The day I hung up the world!

Yep, you're child's cold is contagious, which means you can catch it.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

I kinda just thought that was common knowledge.

Good thing I warned you!

.....................

Hanging the world:

All the kids LOVE this giant wall sized map.

Plus it's educational.

This is the WORLD.

And no, it doesn't revolve around you.

Or your mom with her Coach handbag.

Just in case you were confused.

....................

I'll blame the salt.

I had an early lunch for Ana's birthday because I owed her.

We were super slow and I couldn't get this 7 year old to open her mouth if my life depended on it. She had a high fever and a rash like scarlet fever (strep throat) and I was sure she would test positive for strep if I could just swab her throat.

I tried every trick in my book: being nice, being mean, bribery....nothing worked. I went to look for someone to help me hold her down.

The girl got lucky my medical assistants were no where to be found, but one of my colleagues was.  And she got lucky it was Ana.

Ana's really good with kids. I figured she could teach me a new trick.

After all, she showed me how if you pinch a kid's nose they have to open their mouth to breathe.  And most of them open their teeth too, giving you the perfect opportunity to swab their throat or shove medicine into their mouth.

She spent half an hour, but she finally got this girl to open her mouth.

Thankfully, because she did test positive for strep throat.

Well, then I owed Ana lunch. So I ate lunch early.

And by the end of the day I couldn't remember anything. I was SO forgetful!

I stood there while this mom told me about her gassy baby and couldn't think of the medicine for that.

I just stared at the computer, hoping something would jog my mind.

Mom just stared at me like I was an idiot.

I redeemed myself though.

I left to "wash my hands" and thankfully ran into a medical assistant who had kids, and she helped me out!  She knew exactly what I was talking about and gave me the name right away.

Yep, sometimes I'm crazy.

.........…

I love it when kids come in and tell me they're constipated.

Most if the time they come in with belly pain and I have to convince them that it's constipation.

Eat a bunch of tortillas covered with meat and cheese and don't eat veggies.

I promise you'll be constipated to some degree.

........................

Happy 6 months: homemade s'mores!

...........................................................

You need to tell me what medicine I can give my 2 month old for his cold.

Um, no ma'am.

He is 2 months old.  There are NO medications for him.  He is too small, his kidneys can't handle cough syrup.  The best I can do is give you information on humidifiers and bulbs to suction his boogers out.

Which one of those is his cough medicine?

Really?

Dear God, please protect this child!

......................................

So this 4 year old boy walks into my office.  Mom tells me a story of how he fell 3 days ago and she thought he was just fine, but each night before bed he would cry, so she thought she would bring him in to get his arm looked at.

I looked at him.

He had no point tenderness.

He was climbing on my exam table with both arms.

He was giving me high 5s with both arms.

He had NO bruising or swelling.

But I, like his mom, wasn't super comfortable with the fact that he was crying at bedtime every night.  Yeah, it could be an emotional thing, but that's not normal behavior.

Turns out this kid didn't have one broken bone in his body.

He had 2.

TWO

BROKEN

BONES.

Kids are resilient! Never underestimate them!

.......................................

So, you're about 14 years old, why don't you tell me what's going on.

"I have this pain in my stomach."

Ok, how long have you had it?

"Off and on for a year."

How many days a week do you get this pain?

"About 3 days a week."

So, about every other day.  That's a lot.

"yeah."

Ok, so how long do you have the pain for?

"About 1 second."

And where is this pain?

"I don't know.  Just anywhere in my belly."

And what does it feel like?  Sharp, dull, aching?

"It feels like someone just shanked me."

Wow.

I'm not quite sure how to tell you this.

But sweetie,

you have gas pains.

I'm pretty sure you're gunna be ok.

................................

all smiles!