Just around the Corner!

Have a little extra time on your hands? In need of great entertainment? Fun Adventures?
Check out my friend Justin Colvard's blog: www.lifeofawanderer.com

Justin is going back to Cameroon for an entire 6 months to love the children there, learn about the culture, and encourage them to grow in the Lord. How cool is that?! Join me in reading about his adventures, supporting him financially, and most importantly: Praying for him!

Because 6 months is a long time to go without milk products or air conditioning or a television or his family.

AND because God is doing some awesome things through him over there!

Justin updates his website all the time with fun pictures, educational information, and really neat stories of things hapening over there. He lets you know the things that really need prayer, things that the money you donate is working towards (current plans are for a kitchen bigger than a closet and not sharing a water source with the bathrooms...), and encouraging things that happen. Plus, you get to look at adorable pictures of the precious children at the orphanage!!

Check out his website: www.lifeofawanderer.com

Or Subscribe to his feeds:
The Next Step: "feed://www.lifeofawanderer.com/MyLife/Cameroon_2010/rss.xml"

Small Steps to Success

I can't change the world.

But while I'm here I'll do what I can.

Our PA class of 2011 goes to a Christian Center (a retirement center/ assisted living facility/ orphanage all rolled into one) to speak with the elderly patients. We ask them about their social and medical history.

I used to hate old people. They scared me! They're so fragile. I'm not good with fragile. I've managed to break countless things that should be foolproof...

Don't believe me? Check out my tupperware... (2 broken lids and a newly broken mixing thing. Seriously. Its not like I'm forceful. But I might have some pent up frustration)

Old people used to make me so sad. No one would listen to them. No one would smile at them. No one wanted to hang out with them.

But now I think they're adorable and wise and worth listening to! I mean, who wouldn't want to listen to someone who's been there before, who has seen life and experienced things, who is old and fragile but still able to smile and speak kind words?

Speaking of old people, not a day goes by when I don't think about Africa. (In your mind, did you make the mental connection like I did?!..............that's because there is no connection.) I'll be thinking about something normal, something school related, and then Wham! Africa. I know I really want to go back. The question is, is God calling me back?? Pray with me about this :)


While I can't be in Africa, I can still hang out with some cool kids! I get to volunteer in my Church's Children's ministry. This month we're learning about Wisdom. How cool! And one of the best parts: there are African refugee children that come and join us! I get to dance and play games and love them and teach them God's word. Its almost like being in Africa for a brief moment in time...

But my heart still beats for the kids in Cameroon!

The HOPE that keeps me breathing…

Today I really missed the little babies at HCH.

Yesterday I watched a PBS show about touch. (I was studying Dermatology all day and I needed a mini study break so I started watching because the opening line of the show talked about skin and touch receptors and it related to Derm…but I kept watching even though it didn't really apply to what I was studying because it was really neat research that they were doing)

The show reminded me of when I was in Africa. Touch is abundant there. It isn't a taboo thing like it is in America. It is reassuring, comforting, casual, natural, a simple way to show you care…even if that's all you can do. Kids grow up in Africa surrounded by touch: in slings on their mother's backs, holding hands on the playground, playing hand clap games, sitting side by side… I miss that. I miss them!

Mondays during lunch I go to SCF (Southwestern Christian Fellowship) meetings. Today we had a great speaker talk at lunch about a few things including the Hippocratic Oath and Obama's plan to reverse the "conscience clause." (Don't get me started on that!) He shared a quote with us:

Some seek knowledge for

The sake of knowledge:

That is curiosity;

Others seek knowledge so that

They themselves may be known:

That is vanity;

But there are still others

Who seek knowledge in

Order to serve and edify others:

And that is love. (I've seen charity here)

-Bernard of Clairveaux

I want to serve and edify others. I'm not in school for me (if I was, I'd be LONG gone by now!) Some days, I think those babies are the only thing that keeps me going. I mean, school is interesting, especially now that we're learning how to actually help people (opposed to theory and parts of the human body) but it's still hard to wake up, go to school for 8 hours straight, then come home and study until I crash into bed.

Days like that I need something to remind me why I'm here. I'm thankful for the little babies in Africa. I hope they know just how loved they are.

"Don't give up on the hope
That keeps you breathing"

-The Wedding, Song for the Broken

More Than Useless

"I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather"

Does anyone else feel this way when it comes to everyday life? I feel like I'm not doing anything useful. I'm just studying, learning, and trying to stay awake. And sometimes in class I feel like I'm not retaining any of the information.

"What's the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you"

What If I can't remember everything I learn? What if I can't pass all my classes? Why am I even here??

"And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

"I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this"

Relient K "More Than Useless

I've finally realized that I'm not any good on my own. There is no way I could learn everything I need to know by myself. There is just too much. But God has a plan. He knows what he is doing. I'm here for a reason. Maybe that reason is only to encourage other people and help them learn (in study groups) or maybe the reason is for me to actually make it through school and become a PA. Right now I don't know, but I trust that God knows what he is doing in my life.

I want to study hard and learn how to be a PA. But it's hard. I'm so thankful for the trip I took to Cameroon. I had to learn to rely on God so much. And now I know that with Him, I can make it through anything. And now I'm even more motivated than ever to become a PA so I can go wherever God is calling me and help provide medical care.

Sometimes, school feels a lot like the bus trip from Douala to Fundong. (If you didn't read that post, you should. It will give you a lot of insight into the struggles I'm facing…to read the post, click here) I can't get off the bus, because then I'd be in the middle of nowhere with no direction. I've never been here before and I have no idea what I'm doing. It feels like I hit a new "speed bump" every 5 minutes. I'm exhausted. But I know that in the end, the trip will be worth it.

WARNING: Don't read the next section if you are eating or you are squeamish. (Just giving you a head's up…)

This week in school they gave me a needle and a syringe and let me take someone's blood. Which is pretty neat considering I'm only about a month into school. The only thing is I had to get up at 4 this morning to learn how and then I have to go back at midnight every night this week to practice. And I have a big test on Thursday. I also got to cut into someone's head and look at the brain. And then we got to cut the head in half and look at the back of the throat. Then we got to cut the head in half the other way and look at the inside of the mouth, tongue, and nasal cavity.

And now back to the books…

I wanna hold your hand…

It's Friday night.

What am I doing??

Studying.

Seriously. You didn't read that wrong, I'm studying (well, and blogging I suppose.)

But before you go feeling sorry for me (or laughing at me, whichever one you picked) Know that I am meeting up with friends for ice cream later (a good motivator). And I played basketball with some classmates after school for a while…It was really great for stress relief!

Today I got (well, really, I didn't have a choice…) to hold a dead man's hand. I get to dissect a cadaver (which is one of the coolest but most difficult learning experiences EVER!) and we had to hold the hand palm up so we could dissect it and learn all the muscles and nerves and blood vessels.

The hands I want to hold most right now are sitting around an orphanage in Africa! Not sitting in a tank full of chemicals in an anatomy lab!

But the kiddos in Africa are helping me more than they know: They are motivating me to study harder, learn more, and apply it better!

Like in Physiology the other day when we learned about Blood and we talked about Helper T cells. I want to know all I can about Helper T cells because (as I researched this afternoon) CD4 is found on Helper T cells. Doctors test CD4 counts in patients with HIV to get an idea of how far along the disease is. Before, I never would have known any of this.

If I can't be holding the sweet, underloved hand of a child then maybe I can learn as much as I possible about helping that child (or another child…or another person).

Never before have I come home from class and ACTUALLY studied (even though I've had numerous teachers tell me that it is the best way to remember things…) but now I see that it is true. I know I can't change the world, but I can do my best to do whatever I can for others.

Pray for strength and wisdom for me. Pray for the kids in Africa. God is with us. All of us!

And now, back to studying…

Between Green and Grey

Today I started my 3^rd week of PA school. I'm finally getting into a pattern of studying, learning, reviewing, and memorizing. I'm starting to make friends and make time to exercise and make meals. It's great!

Today we had a class where we took what we're learning in physiology and applied it to clinical medicine. We took things that are black and white (facts, constants, and body functions) and applied it to people. People are anything but black and white! Everyone is different, acts differently, responds to medications differently, and has a different combination of factors to consider.

We learned that medicine is Grey. It doesn't follow a specific set of rules all the time. You can't just learn a "best solution" for everyone. There's always going to be an exception or something new to consider. Interesting! But so much harder, because you have to think hard about all the possible solutions.

Much more fun than learning the brachial plexus! (the nerves and arteries and veins running from your spinal cord down to your arm) Really, I've decided that God did a really good job making the body. It is so complex. Really!

If you've never had to memorize the brachial plexus, be glad. There are like 50 acronyms just to remember everything. It's silly.

That's where I am now. Just so you know!

Africa, switch gears, Med School

So, after having the time of my life loving children in an orphanage in Africa, and learning more about the world, myself, and my AMAZING God in two weeks, I returned home and started medical school.

Less than 12 hours later.

You can go ahead and call it crazy, because I think it is. Or was. But God definitely worked out all the details for me. Like getting me into my apartment on a holiday Monday. And allowing me to get some sleep so I wasn't too exhausted to stay awake at orientation. And letting me get my ID picture made. And helping me study for my first neuroscience test. Those details.

I didn't even have time to clean out the dirt from my feet or reflect on life until that Thursday night. And even then, it was only because I was relying on God's ever-sufficient strength to help me through the week.

Some things I miss about Africa: Nein's Giggle, the "never lonely" feeling, the pure and undeniable love (from the kids, the staff, from God), the rice and beans!, Koolaid at the top of the hill, holding little hands, smiles, sunshine, afternoon thunderstorms, being able to sing and dance, the eyes (the ones that look at you like you're amazing simply because you think the kid sitting next to you is important and lovely and worth your time), the bright colors, the peace…

Some things I definitely won't miss: feeling nauseous, fish with heads and bones, 4:30 am rooster calls, watching men urinate by the side of the road (you just see a back standing toward the road and a little stream of liquid), saying goodbye with tear filled eyes, the speed bumps, not having a personal bubble…

Sometimes it's HEARTBREAKING.

Ok, a lot of times it's heartbreaking.

But class started right away and gave me plenty of other things to think about (like 3 straight hours of neuroscience every morning and cutting up cadavers and completing HIPAA training…)

So far, I like school. I'm not going to say I love it, because really, who loves the pressure of tests and memorization. But I love learning about things that are pertinent to life and things that could actually help me one day.

I've grown so much in the last month. I've experienced love (for people outside my family), I've trusted God with everything (my life!, school, my apartment), I've experienced another culture, I've moved to a big city, and started dissecting a human. Wow.

It is hard to sit here in Dallas knowing how big the world is and how much help it needs. Even people around me need help! But I know I'm training right now to be able to help more people and be open to wherever God leads me next. Which could be anywhere!