The day of the soar thought and Mat Kearney.

Speaking of allergies and itchy noses, has your kid been itching her head too?

YES!!

Ok then, I'm gunna give you some medicine for that before she infects the rest of her friends at school...

Because she's got head lice.

And that's how you know the school year has officially started again.

...................

Some mornings I feel like I have it all together. I have my lunch, I am wearing a mildly professional outfit, and my hair isn't sticking straight up.

And then I get half way to work before I realize there is no cream in my coffee.

And if you know meat all, you know I can't survive without my coffee!

Time to activate the emergency action plan:

 My options include:

1) pulling over at burger king, ordering a breakfast sandwich with extra cream on the side.

2) stopping at a gas station and making something work.

3) turn around and call in sick to work. Days that start off terribly should not end with me in charge of children's lives.

I decided to go with option 2:

my choices at the gas station were:

1) chocolate milk. Which I've had before in my coffee and been sorely disappointed.

2) buy a bottled frappuccino and get rid of my coffee, but I already felt invested in the coffee that had been brewed expectantly and was waiting in my coffee cup.

3) dump a double shot of espresso/cream into my coffee.

Option 3 was a winner.

Double shot + regular coffee.

Now I can put children's lives in my hands!

.................

So, you're here because you get hot at night?

Yes.

Every night? Do you get a fever? Have you even taken your temperature?

No.

So you don't actually have a fever like it says on my computer chart?

Fantastic.

Ok then, do you sleep with a thick blanket? Why don't you try sleeping with a sheet instead when you get hot? Maybe you can keep a calendar of all the temperatures and put a star by the days you get hot. And take your temperature when you get hot.

THEN come back and see me...

And you need a school note because you're allergic to peaches and only peaches?

Ok.

The good news, at the follow up visit, all was good.

Because I'm not sure what I would say if it wasn't...

..............

Did your 2 year old just spit in my face?

Good thing she's here for a well child exam today.

Nasty children!!

..............

Soar throught

Mom, I know I was atrocious when I was little with spelling words like sed and bead...

But we worked on it, I got better.

Some of my co-workers must not have had moms that were as good as you...

Soar throught.

I really can't make this stuff up!

..................

Sometimes I walk into a room knowing that it's going to be a really long time before I walk out. When someone starts a visit with abdominal pain, diarrhea a cough, AND needs refills ADHD meds, it's going to take forever.

Before we even got started, the mom of this little girl started talking about anger problems.

Deep breath.

Then, in the middle of the visit, as of we didn't have enough to discuss, she wants to tell me about her problem with the postal system.

Really? I care about your daughter, but I only have time to deal with one or two problems and you've already exceeded that, which is allowable but not beneficial.

Do you think I really care about your issue with the mailman?

Is this relevant at all?

No? Then why at we discussing it?!

After gently redirecting the conversation several times, I finally get to leave.

Oh! Wait! She's also got issues with allergies.

I.

Don't.

Have.

Time.

For.

This.

After advising her that we could spend a whole hour discussing allergies, she agreed to come back and discuss it at another visit.

And then she asked if she could see me again at the next visit.

The evil little voice inside my head urged me to lie! I might die if I have to see this lady again! I love it when people like me enough to want to see me, but this would be a tragedy.

Unfortunately, ethics won. I told her that she can ask up front and I would be happy to see her again.

Please, Lord, give me the patience when she comes back!!

...........

I had a 14 year old boy come in for a checkup. He also had as runny nose.

Good.  Nice and easy.

But when I walked in, I made the mistake of asking "how are things going?"

"Well, I've got this chest pain every day and one time 9 months ago I passed out from it.

Chest pain?! You can't do that!

That doesn't count as a checkup!

And now I gotta fix it. But that's my job. And most of the time I love it!!

.............

I did it! After messing up at least 10 times, I have finally succeeded in obtaining a clean urine specimen from baby girls!

Thank you Lord!

(and the parents of all the future baby girls thank you too)

...............

Yep, your daughter has a bead in her ear.

"How'd it get there?" mom asked me.

Really, I'd tell you if I knew. Honestly. Most of the time kids put beads in their own ears. Sometimes their friends do it.

"Did you put a bead in your ear?" mom asked her daughter.

No.

"Did your friend put a bead in your ear?"

Maybe.

Yep, that's kids for you.

.................

I love actually helping people out.

I saw a cute little boy, not even old enough to talk much, with blisters all over his mouth.

He was SO sad. He didn't want to move or anything. He didn't even smile. He didn't care when I put my flashlight in his eyes or ears.

I gave him some medicine, the standard treatment for his condition, and told his parents what to expect. I told them to come back if anything went wrong.

I almost didn't recognize the kid that came back. He was bouncing off the walls!

His parents were SO happy, they told me I was the best doctor ever! After taking a minute to appreciate their praise, I let them know that all I did was standard treatment for their son's condition.

They didn't care. I fixed their son!

And as if that wasn't enough, on the way out, his parents got him to say:

"Thank you doctor," the longest phrase he has ever said in his life.

My heart can melt!

And even if I can't fix people, knowing that I was there and that I listened is enough for some moms. One mom literally teared up when she left because I listened and understood.

Even though I couldn't fix her daughter, I helped ease mom's mind.

Which is better than nothing.

.................

Speaking of pulling junk out of ears, I had this 8 year old with ear pain and a cold, so I assumed ear infection.

After looking at his ear, I couldn't see his whole ear drum, so I told mom I had to move the wax.

Only the wax was crunchy.

The first chunk I pulled out looked like a bug shell.

The second half I pulled out had legs.

Thankfully they weren't moving.

It was all I could do not to vomit in front of my patient.  Sometimes I ask kids if they want to keep the stuff I pull out of their ears.  Most kids or moms like to keep the beads.  But this kid didn't get that option.

The moral of the story:

I pull out just as many bugs from ears as I do beads.

If you think you have a bug in your ear, you just might: so go see a doctor.

Or maybe your child just put a bead in your ear.

They like to do stuff like that.

...................

I walk in to an 11 year old with "muscle aches." I'm thinking he's got a cold or the flu, because muscle aches are super common.

Nope.

After asking a LONG series of questions, I realized only his abdominal and back muscles were sore AND he just started doing sit ups and push ups in PE class.

Awesome.

It's funny the things I forget kids don't understand yet.

....................

The Sunset from our Terrace!  

Watching the sun set from our terrace!

I was quite proud of my 4 letter word that scored me so many points.

French press coffee and French toast.  Fantastic breakfast.

We thought we bought our puppy a new kennel.  We actually bought her a mansion.

THAT IS MAT KEARNEY SINGING!!

This is Me and Jess watching Mat Kearney singing.

This is me WITH Mat Kearney!!  He played a fantastic acoustic show at the aloft hotel, 2 blocks from my house in Downtown Dallas.   Then he hung out afterwards to meet people.  He was legit.