We’re all tired
sometimes.
But you have to be
REALLY tired to fall asleep in a chair at the doctor’s office with your head on
the table, drooling, while your 4 children smack each other.
She didn’t stir when
I came in, or when I spoke.
I had to physically
shake her awake.
Who knows what havic
could have been wreaked if I haden’t walked in?!
Probably no more than
when moms “watch” their kids but actually play on their cell phones…
………………………………
Who puts a bib on
their 3 month old that says “single” on the front?
Are you saying baby
is single?
Or are you, a new
mommy with a 3-month-old baby, single?
Or are you saying
she’s not a twin baby, she’s a single child?
I guess it’s just
like the person who put a onsie on their kid that says: “If you think I’m cute,
you should check out my mom.”
…………………………………….
Johnson grass.
Soft. Cushy on your feet.
Not so nice in your
eye…
This little dude was
so tough. He actually went to sleep with
grass in his eye because his dad didn’t believe his mom that there was grass in
there. His dad wouldn’t let his mom take
him to the ER.
I’m a little
surprised she didn’t just go to the ER anyway.
By the time she got to our office the next morning, she was pacing the
room, about to have a heart attack.
I wasn’t sure what
our office protocol was.
This piece of grass
was about a centimeter long and half a centimeter wide. I felt like I could just pull it out with my
fingers.
Can I use forceps
near a kid’s eye?!
Should I use forceps
near a kid’s eye?!
Turns out, the kid
was TERRIFIED of me putting a cotton swab near his eye (go figure) but wasn’t
terrified of the forceps.
We pulled out the
grass.
And mom about
fainted.
Sometimes I offer to
let people keep things I pull out of weird places. Mostly it’s beads and stuff I pull out of
ears.
This mom didn’t even
let me ask.
She said “I’m going
to keep that to prove to your dad I was right.”
Yep, because the same
daddy that didn’t think anything was in his kid’s eye is going to believe you
got this piece of grass out of his kid’s eye.
………………………………….
Sometimes I think
14-year-old boys are the bane of my existence.
Seriously though.
We had to talk about
his rash.
And his weight
problem
And his anxiety-eating-problem
that Dad wanted ADD medication to fix.
The whole time I’m
speaking in Spanish AND English because son doesn’t speak Spanish and Dad
doesn’t speak English.
And then I had to
listen to dad argue with the son about telling me his “embarrassing little
problem.”
And then he said:
“So, you know how
little kids pee in their bed?”
Yeah?
“So, I did that. And then I got a little bigger and kept doing
that. And then I got really big. And now I still do that.”
AND THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME SOMEONE FORCED HIM TO TALK ABOUT IT.
………………………………………..
Why can’t you just
send him to the lab to get a blood test so you can figure out what his rash is
instead of guessing?
“Honestly, ma’am,
that’s not possible. There is no blood
test for rashes. There’s a test for
diabetes. But not a rash.”
That's one of the reasons they call it "practicing" medicine....
…………………………………………..
So, her vision is
pretty bad, does she always wear her glasses?
Only at school and
when she’s reading?
What about when she
watches TV?
No?
Well, TVs aren’t very
big and if she’s staring at a small TV, she might be squinting and that could
be part of the problem.
“Oh, no, honey, we
have an 80 inch TV. Than’s not the
problem.”
WAIT.
YOU HAVE MEDACAID.
I’M PAYING FOR YOUR
KID’S HEALTHCARE AND MY TV IS HALF THE SIZE YOURS IS?
How does that work?!
………………………………………………..
If you have to ask me
“what are you saying?” more than twice because your kids are too loud, that’s
your problem, not mine.
Maybe you should
learn how to discipline your kids.
Or maybe you’ll just
never know what I’m saying.
It’s not like you
just sat in the waiting room for 45 minutes to hear what I have to say…
……………………………………………
I like to give kids
high fives.
For some reason, kids
think it’s the coolest thing, getting to high-five the provider.
Like I’m some
celebrity or something. (Clearly, my job
is not good for my ego)
But this one kid was
WAY too cool for high fives.
He put out his fist
and said “um, no, we don’t high-five, we fist bump” and waited until I made a
fist.
Then he bumped his
fist with mine.
Yep.
That kid was way cooler than I am.
............................................................
Another kid that's way cooler than I am.
You should've seen it. We're out shopping and all 3 adults were sitting on the bench playing with their cellphones.
They say kids are bad at that. My family is the same way!
Ryan is an artist! I'm ok too.
Us and our friends that painted a master peace!
