The day the mommies slept.

We’re all tired sometimes.

But you have to be REALLY tired to fall asleep in a chair at the doctor’s office with your head on the table, drooling, while your 4 children smack each other.

She didn’t stir when I came in, or when I spoke.

I had to physically shake her awake.

Who knows what havic could have been wreaked if I haden’t walked in?!

Probably no more than when moms “watch” their kids but actually play on their cell phones…

………………………………

Who puts a bib on their 3 month old that says “single” on the front?

Are you saying baby is single?

Or are you, a new mommy with a 3-month-old baby, single?

Or are you saying she’s not a twin baby, she’s a single child?

I guess it’s just like the person who put a onsie on their kid that says: “If you think I’m cute, you should check out my mom.”

…………………………………….

Johnson grass.

Soft.  Cushy on your feet.

Not so nice in your eye…

This little dude was so tough.  He actually went to sleep with grass in his eye because his dad didn’t believe his mom that there was grass in there.  His dad wouldn’t let his mom take him to the ER.

I’m a little surprised she didn’t just go to the ER anyway.  By the time she got to our office the next morning, she was pacing the room, about to have a heart attack.

I wasn’t sure what our office protocol was.

This piece of grass was about a centimeter long and half a centimeter wide.  I felt like I could just pull it out with my fingers.

Can I use forceps near a kid’s eye?!

Should I use forceps near a kid’s eye?!

Turns out, the kid was TERRIFIED of me putting a cotton swab near his eye (go figure) but wasn’t terrified of the forceps.

We pulled out the grass.

And mom about fainted.

Sometimes I offer to let people keep things I pull out of weird places.  Mostly it’s beads and stuff I pull out of ears.

This mom didn’t even let me ask.

She said “I’m going to keep that to prove to your dad I was right.”

Yep, because the same daddy that didn’t think anything was in his kid’s eye is going to believe you got this piece of grass out of his kid’s eye.

………………………………….

Sometimes I think 14-year-old boys are the bane of my existence.

Seriously though.

We had to talk about his rash.

And his weight problem

And his anxiety-eating-problem that Dad wanted ADD medication to fix.

The whole time I’m speaking in Spanish AND English because son doesn’t speak Spanish and Dad doesn’t speak English.

And then I had to listen to dad argue with the son about telling me his “embarrassing little problem.”

And then he said:

“So, you know how little kids pee in their bed?”

Yeah?

“So, I did that.  And then I got a little bigger and kept doing that.  And then I got really big.  And now I still do that.”

AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE FORCED HIM TO TALK ABOUT IT.

………………………………………..

Why can’t you just send him to the lab to get a blood test so you can figure out what his rash is instead of guessing?

“Honestly, ma’am, that’s not possible.  There is no blood test for rashes.  There’s a test for diabetes.  But not a rash.”

That's one of the reasons they call it "practicing" medicine....

…………………………………………..

So, her vision is pretty bad, does she always wear her glasses?

Only at school and when she’s reading?

What about when she watches TV?

No?

Well, TVs aren’t very big and if she’s staring at a small TV, she might be squinting and that could be part of the problem.

“Oh, no, honey, we have an 80 inch TV.  Than’s not the problem.”

WAIT.

YOU HAVE MEDACAID.

I’M PAYING FOR YOUR KID’S HEALTHCARE AND MY TV IS HALF THE SIZE YOURS IS?

How does that work?!

………………………………………………..

If you have to ask me “what are you saying?” more than twice because your kids are too loud, that’s your problem, not mine.

Maybe you should learn how to discipline your kids.

Or maybe you’ll just never know what I’m saying.

It’s not like you just sat in the waiting room for 45 minutes to hear what I have to say…

……………………………………………

I like to give kids high fives.

For some reason, kids think it’s the coolest thing, getting to high-five the provider.

Like I’m some celebrity or something.  (Clearly, my job is not good for my ego)

But this one kid was WAY too cool for high fives.

He put out his fist and said “um, no, we don’t high-five, we fist bump” and waited until I made a fist.

Then he bumped his fist with mine.

Yep. 

That kid was way cooler than I am.

............................................................

Another kid that's way cooler than I am.

You should've seen it.  We're out shopping and all 3 adults were sitting on the bench playing with their cellphones.  

They say kids are bad at that.  My family is the same way!

Ryan is an artist! I'm ok too.

Us and our friends that painted a master peace!