Smothers' Soliloquy: The day I could cook but not clean.

Merry Christmas Season!

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Cutest. Boy. Ever.

He was that age that was where boys turn from cute little angels to pre-teens who grunt a lot and are too cool to talk to adults.

He was in for a wart treatment and was acting TOO cool to be afraid of the knife and freezing treatments.

He had on one of those silicone bracelets. Those are really the IN thing right now. I tell you, kids have those bracelets now for Drug Free week. WAY cooler than Red Ribbon Week.

Anyway, it had the letters YOLO on it.

To make conversation while I treated his wart, I asked him about the bracelet.

What does it mean?

YOLO: You Only Live Once.

(Which I suppose now is in the news made famous or something, but I’m not hip enough to know that)

“Oh”, I told the kid, “that’s neat.”

Well, I finished up the treatment, and told his mom exact instructions on how to care for the wart and when to come back.

The sweet boy slipped the bracelet off his arm and held it out to me,

“Here,” he said, “you can have it.”

Awwww.

Too sweet!

I told him to keep his bracelet.

And that I thought he was the COOLEST kid ever!

……………………….

“My daughter won’t eat”

For how long?

“The past 6 months”

Really? She’s been gaining weight for the past 6 months, in fact, she weighs A LOT more than she should now. Has she been eating or drinking anything at all?

“Well, she’s been eating, but only cookies and chips and soda and candy. I can’t get her to eat anything healthy at all”

Do you give her the option of what to eat?

“yes”

Clearly, there isn’t a problem with you child not eating, but there is a problem with YOU not feeding her properly…

……………………..

“Do you live with your mom?”

“Then who cleans your house?”

I do.

“But you work. You can’t do both. You need someone to clean for you if you don’t live with your mom.”

Thanks, but I live in a small apartment. I don’t need anyone to help me right now.

At least, not in my opinion!

…………………………

It’s a shame.

I hear the FUNIEST names at work, but because of HIPAA (the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) I can’t really give you names.

Unless I change them and I don’t give you any other protected health information.

Because I see some of the best names.

I think I blogged about SirCharles a few months ago.

I see lots of kids named Juan. Just Juan sometimes, other times Juan and another name together like Juan Carlos or something.

Well, now I’ve met a Juana.

A Mary Juana to be exact.

I’ll pause to let that one sink in.

And I’ve met twins with the same first name.

Kevin Sergio

And

Kevin Iglesias.

Really? You couldn’t come up with two unique names for your twins?

You had to name them the SAME first name?

Kevin?

Ok, and this last name I can’t tell you.

But I can get you to picture Mario kart.

Yoshi. Luigi. Wario.

That character that goes

“Itza M_-_-_-_”

Its all I could do to not exclaim his name during the exam.

“Itza M_-_-_-_”

…………………..

We all ate together for thanksgiving.

All the office.

There are 6 PAs, who 2 doctors are in charge of.

Then each of us has 2 medical assistants, about 12.

Then 5 people to bill and code.

[About half of the girls at the office}

(side fact, there are 1800 codes in the ICD 9, what we use now to bill for an upper respiratory infection or a wart. But by 2014, we have to use the ICD 10, which has over 40,000 new codes, including a code for running into a pole. For the second time. Really?!? This is why our doctor pays 5 people to bill and code for us.)

Then 8 people to answer phones and sign people in.

Then a few miscellaneous people to clean the clinic and send referrals to the specialists.

In all, we have about 40 people in our office.

And they asked me to make mashed potatoes for all of them.

MASHED POTATOES.

FOR EVERYONE!

Oh man.

Cold mashed potatoes are the WORST.

What can I do?!

Well, Ana, my brilliant co-worker gave me the idea to make them in a crock pot so they could warm all morning.

Perfect.

Now, how many potatoes do I need to mash to feed 40 people?!

I got 10 lbs of potatoes. Surely that will be enough for the whole office. (because we’ll be having a bunch of other sides like corn and lentil casserole. Because who doesn’t eat lentil casserole on Thanksgiving?!)

Do you know how long it takes to peel 10 lbs of potatoes?

Even with your husband helping you?!

I found the first crock pot mashed potato recipe that came up on google, and I cross referenced it with the Pioneer Woman mashed potato recipe (because that woman is a genious!) and they looked pretty similar so I went with it.

Cream Cheese, sour cream, butter, and chicken bullion cubes.

Brilliant.

It was delicious. (or so I thought)

I made it the night before, then got to work at 7 am and plugged in my crock pot.

I stirred the potatoes about once an hour between patients. (Don’t worry, I washed my hands really good before touching the food).

Then, 300 patients and 1 fire drill later, we sat down to eat at 2 pm.

My potatoes had nicely warmed by then.

Everyone loaded their plates with food. And when I say loaded, I mean there was not a single plate that wasn’t piled high with food. Because who could miss out on trying someone’s macaroni salad, egg salad, or flan.

Because all those things come to mind when I think of thanksgiving… especially the flan. I think maybe the pilgrims ate flan at the first thanksgiving.

Everyone thought my potatoes were delicious.

Where did you buy them, they all wanted to know.

I made them, with the help of my husband.

YOU COOK?!

Yeah, we cook. Mostly my husband cooks, he’s really good at it and I’m ok at it.

I’m glad they were surprised to see I can cook.

Because clearly, it’s a valued talent in the community I work in.

………………………

Mostly I write stories about work.

But sometimes I have funny stories about other stuff.

Like the silly boy pharmacist at Walgreens. I went to pick up my medicine, and I told him that it was probably in the refrigerator.

He couldn’t find my medicine in the front, so he proceeded to the back, which is where they keep the fridge, so I assumed he was getting it. He came back to the front and asked me if I went by a different name. I thought, maybe I gave them my wrong name when calling, so I gave him my other last name (unmarried name). He looked again.

After looking for 5 more minutes, I suggested he try the fridge again.

He said, “Oh, is that where you told me to look 5 minutes ago, I didn’t hear you very well. I’m really new at this.”

And then found my medication instantly.

IF ONLY MORE PEOPLE LISTENED TO ME!!

……………………….

So If you asked me 2 months ago, I would have told you I LOVED living downtown. It has its perks and drawbacks just like anywhere else, but its mostly great.

Last Saturday they had an awesome parade downtown.

It benefitted Children’s Medical Center, something I’m supper passionate about since we end up referring most of our kids there when they need to see a specialist.

They had cool floats and dancers, it felt just like I was downtown New York on Thanksgiving day!

So parades are great.

Even grater was taking out our dogs at 9 am, when the parade didn't start for another hour, dressed up like elves, complete with jingle bells. LOTS of kids loved us!

Some of them had been lined up on the streets since 5am just to get a good spot for the parade! It was chaos getting our dogs to potty.

We were told we wouldn’t be able to leave since the parade blocked off ALL the roads downtown from 6am to 2 pm, but I didn’t think it was a big deal.

Until I woke up with the WORST sore throat ever.

And then I remembered the bratty boy that spit in my face 4 days before, that ended up having strep throat. It wasn’t really his fault he spit in my face, I stuck a stick down his throat, so I kinda deserved it.

And then I also remembered that my co-worker that I share a computer with had checked herself Friday and ALSO had strep throat.

So I figured I might have it too. Bummer. But since there was no way I could get to an urgent care clinic (and because I actually work and have insurance, I have a huge deductible for urgent care) I just took some pain medicine and went back to bed.

There were SO MANY people outside it looked like our building was under attack by zombies.

At least that’s what Ryan told me.

I felt much better after taking ibuprofen, so I got up and had a free mimosa (just another perk of living downtown.) and I felt even better.

The next morning I still had a sore throat, like glass in my throat, so I skipped church and took more ibuprofen, and then I felt much better when I woke up and so I went to teach Sunday School.

And then Monday I still had a sore throat, so I tested myself at work.

Turns out it was strep throat.

So they gave me antibiotics and sent me home.

Sweet!

Kinda.

…………………..

So my 2nd room is all pretty, like seaworld with dolphins and fish.

All the kids love it.

Except this one kid.

I walked in, and mom had moved ALL the chairs to the other side of the room, and her daughter had her face buried in mom’s arms. I thought maybe it was because she was scared of the doctor.

But no, she was scared of my fish mural.

Of a picture on the wall.

Poor girl!

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