It's bug bite season. Again. It's the only reason I learned how to say ant, mosquito, and spider. (in Spanish)
The good news is, bug bites are rarely life or death situations.
Unless they're target shaped or they're growing rapidly.
I get to see the funniest bug bites though:
“Yep, it but him on his tragus!” (which sounds dirty, but really it’s just a part of the ear)
“So, you think your kid just has a bug bite or dry skin because that’s what your friend told you, but you can’t seam to figure out why it’s spreading? And even though your friend isn’t a doctor, she told you to put breast milk on it, but that didn’t help at all?”
“I know beastmilk is kinda magical, and it can cure dry skin, but it’s not dry skin, its Scabies….”
“…WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME?!...”
“…You would rather believe your non-doctor friend even though you’ve already tried her advice and it didn’t work and now your kid’s rash spread to your 5 month old and you?...”
“…DRY SKIN IS NOT CONTAGIOUS AND CAN BE CURED BY BREASTMILK, CLEARLY THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM.”
“What do you mean BOTH your kids have bug bites on their private areas? Explain to me exactly how that happened…”
“You're itchy all over? But you don't have a rash. And you don't itch all the time? And you have a feeling like something inside of you is squirming? But you have some little red bumps that appear and disappear after about 5 days?”
“You mean THAT bump on her wrist? The one I have on my wrist and you have on your wrist too? No, that’s not a bug bite. Or a broken bone. That's called the styloid process of her radius bone. Yep, it's normal.”
And one mom even asked me: “Is there some kind of liquid or cream I can put on my kid to stop bugs from biting him?” “Yes, Ma’am, there is. Let me tell you about bug spray... “
Another mom and dad recognized their kid had bug bites, but NEEDED to know exactly what kind of bug bites their kid had. Because mom and dad had ant bites and mosquito bites, but their kid’s bites looked different. And it doesn’t matter that it’s the same treatment for all kinds of bug bites. We went around in a circle for about 5 minutes: me saying they’re most likely mosquito bites because they show up on parts of his body not covered by clothes and parents saying they didn’t think it was a mosquito bite…
And then I had a kid who “only had 7 bug bites on his hands and on his feet before he went to bed last night, but he woke up this morning with 34 bites on his hands and feet.” And that’s the only place he had these so-called-bug-bites. Which turned out weren’t actually bug bites, but they were the manifestation of coxscackie virus, the cause of Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease.
Incidentally, it’s also Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease season. Typically I see kids with a high fever, super sore throat, and bumps on their hands and feet. One mom, upon me diagnosing her kid with Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease asked me if it was contagious because she had been sharing drinks with her child after she knew her child had a fever. It is, but not super-contagious to adults, which she was relieved by… BUT LET’S BE HONEST, SHARING DRINKS WITH A KID THAT HAS A FEVER ISN’T THE SMARTEST IDEA…
When I say open your mouth and stick your tongue out at me, I just want you to open your mouth. I don't actually want you to do that AND breathe hot air into my face.
Just when I think I can't see anything new or funny...
“How do you know your 4 month old has itchy gums? You want me to give you a medication for that?”
How am I supposed to keep a straight face?
So you know your kid just peed all over himself. And you didn't bring a diaper and that's why he's screaming his head off. And you don't want to pick him up because he'll get you all covered in pee too.
But you think it's ok to place him on my countertop?!
Man, these cookies are delicious! Your husband made these?!
You trust him with an oven?
Did you have teach him how to make cookies? Or supervise him when he cooks?
Man, your husband must be awesome!
“Hi, My name is Shannon and I’m a PA that works with Dr. Velez”
And most moms say “Hi, I’m _____________ . Nice to meet you.”
But this mom said, “You know me, remember?”
And I wanted to tell her that I see 80 billion kids and that, sorry I don’t remember her, but only the only thing I knew how to say was “No, sorry.” And proceed with asking what was wrong.
But she pushed, “Remember, you fixed my kid!”
I do that a lot, so it wasn’t really jogging my memory, but then mom said, “Look! Look at his arm!”
Which I did, and there was a terrible scar on it with 3 visible stitch marks. I was thinking I do a much better job suturing, leaving a small scar with almost no stich marks, when it hit me!
“I do remember you! I told mom.” I didn’t actually do this kid’s stitches.
I CUT MOM’S HANDMADE STITCHES OUT OF HIS ARM AND GAVE HIM ANTIBIOTICS BECAUSE THE WOUND WAS INFECTED AND GAPING WIDE WITH PUS COMING OUT!
Mom was so happy that I remembered her as the lady who stitched up her son’s own arm. In her defense, they had no insurance at the time, and I’m sure she saved herself at least 800 in stitches at the ER.
I know I’m a girl.
And I’m alone at Best Buy.
And I know I’ve been staring at the same display for about 20 minutes.
But no, men-who-work-at-Best-Buy, I do not need your help.
Not now or 2 minutes later.
I’m not actually a damsel in distress.
I just need the person on the other side of the phone to decide if they want to help me pay for what I’m getting.
And then when I hang up the phone, make my decision, I don’t need 20 more people asking if I found everything ok, or if I had any trouble making my “really big decision.”
It just makes me feel like I’m an idiot.
And maybe I am.
But only because I have a fit bit.
Or HAD until I lost it. And I re-traced ALL my steps looking for it. (which made me sad, I have no idea just how many steps it was)
I went back to Walgreens, traced my steps, and talked to the store manager. I went back to Petco and Total Wine and did the same thing. I went back to my chiropractor’s parking lot (because I had already called and the office manager looked all over for me and it wasn’t there and it was closing so I couldn’t check for myself.)
I even went back to the xray office and checked there. No sign of my fitbit.
Online there were tips on how to find my tracker: “Walk around trying to sync your phone with your tracker. If it syncs, you must be within 20 feet of your missing fitbit!”
Let me travel the world hoping my phone will sync and that I will magically be united with my fitbit.
The good news is, my insurance company gave me the “ok” to get a new one. And just as I turn it on to set it up, it pops up a screen educating me on “How to Avoid Losing your Fitbit.”
Clearly I’m not the only one who’s had this problem.
However, I seem to be the only female alone at Best Buy…
And now for some fun pictures of stuff we've done lately:
This is on our tour of Deep Ellum Brewing Company. We got to keep the glasses from our tour. It was pretty cool.
Ryan's company picnic was at this place, and it was fantastic!
Looking into space!
Running from the dinosaurs (like we were in Jurassic Park)
This is me and Diana. We picnicked at the Arboretum!
Ryan and I took 1 year photos!
We had so much fun!
Our photo within a photo!